December 21, 2003 – Giving Holiday Booty the Boot

So, the “Holidays” have descended upon us . . . mandated good cheer and gifts for all.   As I have mentioned in a prior rant, the holiday season is not my favorite time of year.  Folks you would normally ignore or who would ignore you are full of false cheer, and those who you really care about are so busy trying to capture the holiday cheer that they forget about actually enjoying the holidays.  This year, well, I have been especially cranky, mostly because for anyone who knows my family and what we have gone through this past year, 2003 could not end soon enough.  Suffice it to say that one Friday I said matter-of-factly “no one else in the hospital, no one is having surgery, my other cat does not have cancer, and there is no fire in my building . . . all in all it has been a good day.”  So, the last thing you might expect from me is anything resembling holiday cheer.  But believe it or not, I have found a way to appreciate the holidays and avoid some of the stress. 

First, despite my threats to the contrary, I did in fact make cookies (though not as many as usual) and those who received them were both surprised, and quite appreciative . . .you can blame my mom, because she really wanted them, and once you start baking, well cleaning up for 5 dozen and 25 dozen does really make a difference.  But it was nice to deliver them to some friends and co-workers.  Better yet, I was genuinely touched by a gift given to me by some folks who I manage on a project.  The gift certificate to Trader Joes was great, but the card that said nice things was precious.  To me, things are nice, but sentiment and thought, well that cannot be bought. 

Working on that theme, I decided that this year, I would ask my sisters and some friends not to buy me gifts, and instead, find a charity that supports children or the elderly, and send them some money.  While I felt fine sending them gift certificates for some good stuff and some fun stores, I just knew that I did not want or need anything else right now and, that anything I might actually want was well outside of their holiday budgets. I also told one of my friends that her daughter, who has more toys than any fully stocked toy store that I intended to buy some needy kids some holiday gifts rather than giving her daughter another gift among the piles of many.  My friend thought that it was a good idea. 

I then proceeded to drop a decent chunk of change at Target and Costco and added some much needed toys to the seemingly sparse Toys for Tots bins.  You do not know how good it felt to know that at least someone would get something that they otherwise would not have, in return for me not getting something I may not want, and surely did not need.  This was magnified last night by the holiday card I received from one of my friends that included the list of toys she bought for some boys and girls.  A big smile came to my face as I read the list, and, I suddenly felt great, better than I have felt in a while.   Right there, at that moment, I knew I had found a way to capture the holiday season.

There used to be a bumper sticker asking folks to practice random acts of kindness.   This is what we all hope for from each other, but often times, fail to expect of ourselves.   Well, I guess you have to walk the walk before you can talk the talk.  Many of us need to remind ourselves that we need to do at least as much as we expect of others:  we all need to walk the walk a little more often.  We also must ask ourselves, what are the holidays really about?  Stuff or sentiment?  For kids, it pretty much is about stuff – opening presents, sitting on Santa’s lap, playing dreidle, lighting candles, snowballs, hot chocolate, latkes and holiday lights.  It can, if done right, be an absolutely magic combination of stuff surrounded by sentiment.  

For adults, it should be about much more than the stuff, it should be about sentiment, it should be about how we live our lives, and how we affect those around us.  And, it should be about anything other than exchanging gifts with others out of some duty or misguided belief that somehow your or the person you are giving the gift to, will be transformed back into the magic of your childhood because you gave then some great smelling candle or bath soap.   No amount of stuff, no matter how great or expensive, can capture that magic – you can only find it again by genuine caring sentiment and sharing. 

I think from now on, I am going to do my best each year to focus my holiday season on sentiment, rather than stuff.  I can share at least some of my good luck and good fortune by sharing my holiday booty with someone who does not have the same good luck or good future.  Maybe I will not be able to recapture all of the magic of childhood, but I might just be able to give it to some child who would not otherwise have it – who could ask for a better gift than that. 

Happy holidays to all.  I hope this season brings you the magic and sentiment that your heart desires.