A Rant Returns – Gay Rights – Each Masterpiece Must Be Appreciated

Well, it has been a long time since I have ranted.  Problem is, every time I get an idea to Rant about, someone already starts in about it.   At this point, Ranting about George Bush, Dick Cheney, and the Evil Cabal (“EC” for short) in charge of this country is not exactly unique.  You can go to many a website and find language condemning what they have done, plan to do, or might do.  Illegal wiretapping, outing CIA Agents, going to war on false pretenses, spying on domestic groups  . . .  and the list goes on.  The White House Press Corps has actually found some guts within the last few months and began to ask tough questions of EC.  And, Patrick Fitzgerald is enough to make any Rantee swoon.  He is the Elliot Ness of the New Millennium, digging where others have not and getting to the truth.

But, it leaves old Ranting Deborah in a bind.  Much of what I would say has already been said.  Don’t believe me, check out The Raw Story or The Huffington Post – half of what is up there is Rantworthy.  With it already being there, it is kind of pointless for me to Rant about it.  The whole point in Ranting is to speak up when others are silent or unwilling to challenge authority.  Hell, even the asses at Fox have been thoroughly attacked and exposed for their pathetic attempts to say the religious meaning behind Christmas is lost when stores say Happy Holidays rather than Merry Christmas. 

Add to this, the fact that I have joined an on-line community that gives me the chance, on an Off-Topic Board, to rant and condemn on a daily basis, and you have a Rantless Deb post Hurricane Katrina.  But, this on-line community, which is full of interesting, thoughtful, funny, and sometime very sensitive people, many of which happen to be gay, got me thinking today about a Rant subject that is not my normal political venting.  Gay rights.  And the fact that many of us still think it is OK to discriminate against gay men and women, believing that their love and life is not natural.  Guess what?  That is a subject worth ranting about.  We all have plenty to be afraid of these days, from actions of the EC to, to the environment deteriorating, to the next terrorist threat.   Gay men and women are not one of those things you need to fear.  Moreover, the last thing we should be doing is permitting those afraid of gay men and women to use that fear and turn it into hate.  There is no honest reason to deny gay men and woman the chance to live full and complete lives.  The only dishonest reason is fear and ignorance.  We seem to have plenty of dishonesty around these days.   

A new movie has come out, with Ang Lee as the director, called “Brokeback Mountain.”  I have not seen it yet, but intend to before the year is out.  On the board I visit, the movie is given great reverence by many, not only for its acting and directing, but for the fact that it was even made by a mainstream studio with two leading men, and big name Director.  Two of Hollywood’s hottest leading men, Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger find in the film that they have a deep emotional connection with each other that is much more than friendship.  There are scenes of physical intimacy between the two.   Some say it is love, other say it is lust.  Neither star is gay in real life.  Both stars are getting very positive notices about their performances, and this has only further solidified their status in Hollywood.  It is a step.  But I wonder, how each would fare if in fact he was actually gay.  Odds are a he would not take the role, out of fear of exposing the truth to the rest of the world, and limiting his  ability to garner future roles. 

As a nation, we still do not accept the fact that people we know, and people our children know, may in fact be different from us, that some people express love in ways that make many in straight world uncomfortable.  That people are in fact gay, and the physical image of gay love, especially two men having sex, makes many of us uncomfortable.  To many, it just doesn’t seem right or natural.  Well guess what, for these men and women, it is.  We all need to grow up and see beyond the roles created for us in Junior High School.  I have always been fine with gay men and women as a concept, but never wanted to actually visualize two men or women making love.  Because, well, to me, it did not seem natural.  Well, funny thing, after watching a season of Queer as Folk, hell, after watching one show, it didn’t bother me anymore.  The discomfort is gone.  Granted, the men on Queer as Folk were beautiful, which made it much easier to consider watching it in the first place, and it is not an accurate reflection of gay life in Pittsburgh, I still became comfortable with images that initially made me squirm.   Very quickly, it seemed natural for the gay men to express both love and lust between each other in the same way heterosexual couples do.   So, if a little exposure takes away the discomfort, how can there be anything wrong with a man loving another man, or a woman, loving another woman.  Answer: -  Because there is in fact nothing wrong with it, it is completely natural for those who happen to love someone of the same sex.

Most people are unwilling or unable to recognize that each of us is wired differently, and some happen to love and be in love with someone of the same sex.   It is just who people are.  It is not a choice.  Nevertheless, gay men and women are still struggling for the same rights many of us take for granted.  Though I cannot find a nice man to spend the rest of my life, I am pretty sure that if I wanted to adopt a child as a single woman (which I don’t right now mom, calm down) that I would have a good shot, especially if I was seeking a child of color.  Change the picture to two gay women or men trying to adopt, and the chance of it occurring changes dramatically, with some states wanting to in fact make it illegal for gay couples to adopt. 

Similarly, while gay couples cannot get married, straight couples can do it on a whim.  Clearly marriage is not just for procreation, so why should two men, or two women who want to make a legal, lifetime commitment to each other, be barred?   Sanctity of marriage my ass – excuse me while I vomit.   Those who use this argument to deny gays the right to marry need only to look at the divorce rate in the US to find that marriage has no sanctity here.  I see no reason why Non-religious marriages should not be made available to gay men and women.   Churches, temples, mosques, that is a different discussion.  For religious ceremonies, I do not think that the state should be able to compel churches, temples or mosques to marry gay couples.  I believe it is a violation of the church/state doctrine (which I still respect even if the EC does not.).  But, if the church, temple or mosque wants to marry a gay couple, who I am to say no?  Better yet, who are you to object?  If two people want to make a commitment to each other, then get out of their way and let the ceremonies begin. 

Many gay men and women say that this is a struggle for civil rights.  And it is.  But, unlike those who would compare it to the civil right struggle of Black America in the 60’s, I tend to see it another way.  This may sound silly, but I see the struggle of Gay America for equality similar to that faced by Jews.  WTF you say?  Give me a second to explain.  Hatred and fear of gays is based upon not the outward appearance of the person.  There are some extreme cases of stereotypes being fulfilled, but many who “look” the part are not gay – I have been hit on by women a couple of times, and assumed to be gay because I played softball, so you cannot base someone being straight or gay on looks and appearance alone.  This does not address the institutional rights issue, such as marriage and adoption, but on a daily basis, this bigotry is not based upon first impression of appearance, but upon the fact that some people just cannot handle that others were born to love someone of the same sex.  You cannot tell someone is gay until that person either lives an open life as gay man or woman, and/or chooses to tell you.  I bet you that you have worked with plenty of closeted gays and never even knew.

Being gay is not something that can be determined on sight, especially for those too afraid to live their lives as an openly gay man or woman.   Similarly, especially with Conservative and Reform Jews, no one knows you are Jewish until you tell them, or, if you wear one, when they see our Yarmulke or Star of David.  Now, sure there are Jewish names and stereotypical appearances, but that again is the exception, not the rule.  No one would know I was Jewish unless I wore a star to advertise it, or told them.  It is who I am, but it is not apparent form 100 feet away.  That is why I think it is similar. 

I am sure many gay men and women would disagree – feeling that their discrimination is akin to that suffered by Black America.  Maybe it is, I don’t know.  I am a straight woman trying to express something that I am not really qualified to speak about, not facing this type of discrimination myself.  I just know it is wrong.  And to condemn someone for being gay is tantamount to condemning someone for being a great athlete, painter, architect, writer, engineer, or accountant.  We each are born with certain gifts and attributes.  Straight or gay, it is just another.  It is a piece of our individual puzzle.

Think about the marvelous creation that is man and woman.  Each of us is different, a genetic miracle, a masterpiece of life and marvel of possibilities.  Each of us was created to be exactly who we are.   Every gay person I have ever met has told me that he or she knew from the beginning they were gay.  It is who they are; it is part of the miracle and masterpiece.  If you believe in God, then you must recognize that we were created in his/her/its image – all of us.  If you do not believe in God, then you have no choice but to accept that being gay is just one more attribute of who each person is.  If two men or two women want to marry, bless them for finding each other, and if I am lucky, maybe I will catch the bouquet.  If two men or two women want to have a family together and adopt a child needing love, bless them for their generosity and love.   If a there is a gay teacher at your child’s school, consider your child lucky to have a teacher that will honor the gifts and miracle that is your child, and not try to force him/her into being something he or she is not.  It is a time that we recognize and appreciate each masterpiece that has been created, not just those that make us comfortable.