June 27, 2003 - Money Money Money . . .

This weeks rant is about something near and dear to everyone’s heart. Money:  more specifically, the pimping of the American government. As they sang in the Musical Cabaret "Money Money Money. Money makes the world go around, the world go around, the world . . ." The same can be said for politics. Each week, we are slammed with yet another elected official either extorting money from special interest groups or receiving gobs of money from another.  Democrat, Republican, it doesn’t matter - both parties are busying doing their dance . . . Money-Money-Money-Money-Money-Money-Money-Money-Money . . . Vote.   And I thought the money dance at weddings was crass. No recently married bride has anything on our political money dance – formerly known as the democratic process.

Money is everywhere in our political process, and it is causing our system to rot from the inside out. To top it off, children of our elected officials are now being paid to lobby their parents.  Now, we are creating family businesses of influence buying and selling.  Isn’t there some kind of conflict of interest rule which says "if your sperm or womb was in any way involved in someone’s birth they cannot lobby you for a political favor?" Ethics - Schmethics . . . we gotta raise big bucks for the next election.

Here is the secret that everyone knows but know one wants to say out loud: in today’s political system, our elected officials are little better than well-dressed whores, taking money from special interests and doing political favors in return. The cost of running for office has priced the honest politician out of the running.  Who can afford to be an idealist when there is so much money you have to raise just to run for election?  Think about it – does President Bush really need to raise 200 million dollars for his reelection campaign? 200 million dollars!   I know plenty of school districts, hospitals, police officers, firefighters, our troops currently fighting his personal war in Iraq, the folks at AmeriCorps (who are facing a 58% cut in funding despite being Bush’s promise to the contrary) –  would welcome just a piece of that 200 million dollar pie. 

For those of you not familiar with my background, I was, many years ago, a litigation attorney.  I hated it, because I felt no better than a well paid whore for those who could afford my legal services.  Well, it seems to me that Sacramento and Washington have nothing on the Mustang Ranch. Week after week we hear about favors, exceptions, backdoor deals, junkets, golf games, and ohh gobs of money thrown at our elected officials in an effort to persuade them on the merits of one cause or another.   Somewhere along the line, our election process and political system got stuck in a rut of greenbacks, effectively squeezing the vast majority of Americans out of the political picture. Corporate America, Unions, Trial Lawyers, Energy Traders, and all of the other special interest groups throwing money at our elected officials are all taking part in an increasingly frenetic money dance. The only ones who seemed to be left without partners are you and I, Joe and Joanna American:  the folks who vote, pay taxes, go to work, buy the products, fight the wars, and in general, keep the country running.

This is how I see it – The American political process is like one never-ending dance – think of it as a cotillion or a debutante ball from hell, or a prom you can not escape.  At this dance, there are average looking guys looking to score.  These guys just happen to be our congressmen and women, senators, governors, presidents . . . I'll call them the "the Dance Dudes." Well, when the Dance Dudes look our way, they see an average looking, middle class, plain Jane kind of gal, and think – "how am I gonna score with that – I want me some real action!"  Needless to say, the Dance Dudes are not thrilled about dancing with you and me.  Then, all of a sudden, in walks Ms. Special Interests – a tarted-up hussy with cheap perfume and a skirt just short of . . . well, you get the idea.   Better, yet, she will pay the Dance Dudes for the chance to dance.  Talk about an easy score.   Dollars to donuts they dance with the slut every time.  Meanwhile, you and I are left sitting on gymnasium bleachers waiting our turn to dance – which never comes.  Because after the first tarted-up hussy finishes with the Dance Dudes, up comes another, and another, all paying for their chance to dance.  The truth is, though, we brought the politicians to this dance by voting for them into office, and we have a right to tango.

The only way I can think of solving this problem is to take all private money out of the campaign process – publicly fund all elections – that is it. The Money Has to Go!  The money has to come out of the political process, because the money is turning our political process into one big whore looking for her next trick.  Put everyone, every special interest, on an equal playing field.  Put the money now spent buying favors from our elected officials back where it belongs – into research and development, jobs, infrastructure, schools, safety.  Every single campaign, whether it is for city council, school board, president, senator or congressman, must be paid for by the American public.  End of story.  Everyone gets the same amount of money, and everyone in the same race has the same budget.  You and I can volunteer, canvas, make calls . . . we just cannot donate money.

Just imagine how nice it would be to elect individuals who actually could vote their conscience and not their pocketbook. Maybe, just maybe the average American would not feel so alienated, and maybe, just maybe, we would find a way to take back our government that has taken over by all of the special interest groups.  And, don't think that just because you are I pay for the campaigns directly that it is actually going to cost us any more than it does now.  Who do you think pays for the campaign dinners, donations, favors and perks - you and I, the consumer, the client, the student, the patient, the conservationist, the capitalist - these campaign donations and political favors costs are passed onto us anyways, via increased costs for products and decreased benefits from service providers.  I say take out the middle-man, stop the dance for good, and require that all campaigns be publicly financed.  End of Story.

While I know special interest groups have a first amendment right to support the candidate of their choice – that does not translate into a right to purchase a candidate.  Hell, the special interest groups can be just like the rest of us: get thousands of folks to sign a petition saying this is what they support and send it to their elected official - just stop paying for dances with the Dancing Dudes.  I am tired of the tarted-up hussies getting the tax breaks, the loopholes, the exceptions, in short dancing all of the dances, while you and I sit, unasked, ignored, and taken for granted. I am tired of watching this money dance go back and forth every year, month and day. We need to politics back to the people and stop this money dance that has perverted our political process to its core.