August 1, 2003 - When is Rape Something Less Than Rape?

By now, we all have been inundated with information about the Celeb de Week Rape allegations – against none other than the once squeaky clean, Sprite sipping, McDonalds eating, family man, Kobe Bryant.  Lunch time conversations have become filtered with conversations about whether or not Kobe Bryant forced himself sexually on his alleged victim.  Kobe protests his innocence, saying that everything was consensual.  His accuser, well she has a very different view of what has happened, and says there was no consent.  Most likely, both are being honest about what they believe happened, and the truth lies somewhere in between.  (Slight digression, does anyone else find it odd that the accuser is being portrayed as an innocent, naïve19 year old “child?”  We execute criminals who committed their crimes when they were younger.)  OK – back on topic

Unlike almost any other crime, rape, when it involves sexual contact between two adults that started as consensual, has a chain of events where something did or did not happen, depending on what side of the bed you slept on.   Rape, unlike almost all other crimes, depends solely on the subjective intent of the victim: did she want to have sex.  If at any time she says no to having sex, or, if she feels pressured into having sex and the man proceeds further, he is guilty of rape.  A man can believe he had consensual sex with a woman, and the woman believe she was raped.  Case closed, do not pass go, go to jail.    Does anyone else think something is kind of funny with this picture?  I mean, doesn’t they guy have to intend to have sex with her against her will?   Nope.  The man’s intent is irrelevant.  If the woman did not want to have sex, then it is rape.

The question I have is at what point, if any, does a woman give up the right to change her mind?  For the record, the question is directed at situations where there is no alcohol or drugs involved, where both parties are sober enough to know what is going on, and where a woman has already started fooling around with a guy.  You know the argument “if you did not want to have sex with him, what was she doing in his room at 2:00 in the morning dressed like that?”  Well, there is a point to that argument.  If a woman creates a situation where a man has a reasonable expectation of having sex with her, can the resulting sex be rape?   Right now, the answer is yes.  State laws state that if a woman says no, regardless of how close a man is to “sealing the deal” that it is rape.  Ummm, excuse me, I don’t think this works in the real world.  I am sorry, but once things get to a point of folks bouncing up and down on each other, guys cannot even hear the words “stop” or “no”, let along act on it.  I honestly think that there has got to be “a point of no return”, where consent to sex is deemed given after things progress to a certain level.  I am not sure where that point is, if you know, tell me.  The way things are going, men are going to start requiring that woman sign a consent form before, during and after sex.   I can just see the form being initialed as things progress.

Rape is a horrible crime, and I am not talking about most types of rape.  I just think that there is rape, and then there is something other than rape.  Is it rape when the woman creates the impression that she wants to have sex, when in fact she may not?  And, because men usually want sex, as often as they can get it, act upon the impression.  But, men are not mind readers, and most men do not want to force themselves on a woman who does not in fact want to have sex (I did say most men . . . )  When he thinks she is saying yes, when in fact she means no, should it be considered rape? At some point, doesn’t a woman need to take responsibility for the situation she puts herself in, and that be factored that into what did, and what did not happen.  At some point, I am not sure when, the train is out of the station, and a woman cannot expect a man to stop it in its tracks.   Call me names, call me anti-woman, call me a horrible human being, but there comes a time when what is labeled rape really is something else.  Maybe a woman can be a victim of rape, and the man not be a rapist.   Is it possible?  I just don’t know.  You tell me.